Relationship Material: A Guy and His Dog

I have a theory. A woman who wants a relationship with a great guy who is generous, attentive, and affectionate should date a guy who owns a dog (or two).

You can tell a lot about a guy by how he interacts with dogs and how he cares for his own. Cats don’t count. With a cat, you can set out bowls of food and water and leave it unattended and virtually ignored for days at a time and the cat is totally fine with that. You can’t do that with a dog. Dogs are like high-maintenance girlfriends. We need attention—and good food. We like to go for long walks on the beach, roll around on the grass getting and giving kisses. We like a nice meaty boner, and of course, we’ll never turn down a gift of a shiny silver necklace.

But, all material and physical benefits aside, there are intangibles that outweigh the obvious. The #1 reason to date a Dog Guy? Guys who own dogs already know how to care about someone other than themselves. Before they can run off to party with their friends, they have to make sure their pooch is cared for. Instead of indulging in a Budweiser bender and sleeping off the hangover, they’re up early to run with the dog. When guys come home after being gone, they look forward to receiving and giving unconditional love. It’s not rocket science to figure out. The responsibilities and joy of dog ownership prep a guy to care for a wife and kids.

I put my theory to the test when I began dating after The Break-Up. (Yes, it was a major enough experience to require capital letters and even inspire a book about it.) The first guy I finally agreed to go out with was intelligent, funny, and persistent (probably a trait he learned from his Australian Shepherd, Max). For a casual first date, he convinced me to go to a soccer field so our dogs could run and play together while we reclined on a blanket in the grass. It was very Wrigley’s-Spearmint-Gum-Kiss-A-Little-Longer commercial-ish. Outdoorsy fun. Down-to-earth vibe. Sorta romantic. He was the kind of guy who would offer a handful of freshly-picked daisies before he tried to put his hand down your pants. So that was all good.

But I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention there can be a minor drawback to the whole dog thing too. On our way out to dinner one night, I climbed into the front seat of Dog Guy’s Durango. I was rocking the cute LBD and lookin’ like a million hot skinny bucks (thanks to the break-up diet). We arrived at my favorite sushi restaurant and I got out of the car. That’s when the static in the air stood every hair on end. Not my hair. The 300 lbs. of dog hair covering every inch of my little black dress. And there were hundreds of strands of dog hair stuck to my lightly-oiled bare legs. I looked like I washed my Sasquatch pajamas without a dryer sheet.

But ya just gotta say, “Whatever. Hair happens.” That’s what tape rollers are for.

When it comes down to it, nothing in the world is as sexy and endearing as watching a guy with his dog. The joy in his smile. The warmth in his voice. The gentleness of his touch. The love in his eyes. All that can be yours when you’re in a relationship with a Dog Guy. I know this to be true because I’m married to one.