The Break-Up Made Him Do It

November 29 at 9:56 pm | Posted in Excuses, Excuses | 5 Comments
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drunkguy1I’ve decided I need to create a blog post series about stupid things people do and then blame on a relationship break-up. I thought the shoplifting story was bad enough, but we now have to add arson to the mix.

So, here’s the most recent recipe for break-up stupidity:

Take one 36 year-old Scottish guy, break his heart, saturate his brain in alcohol, and watch him set his seventh-floor apartment on fire while leaving his kitten inside wrapped in a damp towel and stuffed under the couch.

Kittycide is deplorable and it certainly didn’t help this guy’s case that there were 160 other apartment residents he put in danger by setting the blaze. When he returned home, he lied to the cops, saying he was away camping. Of course, witnesses watching him walk out of the burning building with a backpack killed his alibi.

Thankfully, the firemen saved the kitten. No one else was harmed by the fire. And Mr. Unhappy Camper is going to jail for 20 months.

He wins the official Break-Up Diet WTF Were You Thinking award. Wouldn’t it have been a lot less trouble to burn a few old pictures and letters in the fireplace?

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The Break-Up Made Me Do It

October 4 at 8:12 pm | Posted in Excuses, Excuses | 6 Comments
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Now, I’ll be the first one to admit that a relationship break-up can make you do crazy things. Like…considering renting a house down the street from where your ex works so you can coincidentally run into him at a stoplight or happen to jog by his new apartment (even though you’ve never jogged a day in your life). Like…sitting up at 3 a.m. Googling him to find where he moved next. (Smart move. I can’t jog all the way to South Carolina from Cali.) And then there’s…um…I dunno, maybe writing a book about your break-up.

There are many levels of break-up crazy. But I must say, I have to give gold star props for the most random act of break-up madness to the woman who shoplifted and blamed it on her relationship break-up. Of course, the irony that her name is also Annette did not escape me.

I get that the end of a relationship can cause financial trouble for some women. Hard economic times. Wall Street crash and burn. Blah blah blah. Maybe she’s hungry and can’t afford to restock her Pop-Tarts and Hot Pockets without using the five-finger discount. But seriously, who steals flip flops and blames it on a relationship break-up? I can just see her standing in front of the judge: “I’m sorry, your honor, I’m so heartbroken that I thought stealing some cute summer sandals would make me feel better.”

Ya know, she may be on to something… I saw a cute bag, necklace, and bracelet at Brighton that really need to come home with me. So, if the excuse that “the break-up made me do it” doesn’t work for me, I guess I could say I ate too many Twinkies…

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