Back in the Cyber Sex Swing of Things

July 30, 2008 at 9:30 am | Posted in The Break-Up Diet: A Memoir | 3 Comments
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Ok, so spank me with a wet USB cable. I’ve been AWOL for far too long.

My one loyal reader (a fellow writer) sent me an email in May and among the many things she said included this call to action: “I really enjoy your blog. You should update it more.”

So, here I am. Trying to be a good girl. Trying to do the right thing. Trying to be the blogger I have the potential to be.

It just takes discipline (of which I have very little, but desperately need to develop). Why else would it already be the end of July and I’m just getting around to putting up a new post?

Ya see, it’s like this, I’ve tried for years to keep a journal. And I guess I’m doing pretty well because I actually still have it. My journal is a rather interesting read if I do say so myself. All 6 pages of it. It starts in the ’90s with me bitching about some guy whose name I somehow forgot to mention. And then, ten years or so pass and I have the next entry in which I’m crowing about some new love who is surely “the one”—but for my lack of foresight, it doesn’t happen to be the man I’m married to right now. Yeah, well, Dionne Warwick wasn’t one of my psychic friends, so you never know how those amateur predictions will turn out.

But, now, I have a plan. And if I tell you about it, then I’m committed to following through, right? So, here’s the deal: just to keep it interesting, I’m going to endeavor to post daily (except weekends) on a variety of topics that will follow theme days. Yeah, I know, of course I have to make this as difficult as possible for myself—if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be me.

So, here’s the line up:
Mondays: Book Commentary/News Day where I blab about what’s going on with the business plan and marketing side of this insane publishing adventure on which I’ve embarked.
Tuesdays:
Break-Up Survival Tips Day. Useful nuggets of information like how to make an ex-boyfriend voodoo doll and what brand of bologna leaves the best oil rings in the paint when you put it all over his car. (Extra psycho points if you spell “die asshole” using baloney letters.)
Wednesdays: Relationship Ponderings. <—an academic way of saying I’m going to talk about all the lame crap that goes on in relationships between men and women. (Think Carrie Bradshaw in Payless Shoes.)
Thursdays:
Guest bloggers/Interviews, or I’ll just rip off random shit from someone else’s blog and post it on mine.
Fridays: My take on celebrity break-ups. Look out Perez Hilton and TMZ, I’m going to be the Dr. Phil of celebrity break-ups (minus the toilet seat cover hair ring around the head thing). Or if I get bored with celebrities (which is often the case), I’ll pull something from the news headlines. I can’t be the only one out there who can give Glenn Close a run for her bunny-boiling money.
Saturdays and Sundays: I’ll most likely be in a coma from the brain aneurysm I’ll have if I actually make it through an entire week where I blog consistently.

And can I just say that you have no idea how hard it was for me to post this in the middle of the week. My OCDself is tweakin’ because I feel like I should be posting this on a Monday. But, I actually got out of bed to do it at 2am because I knew if I went to sleep without posting my new and improved idea, I would get sidetracked in the morning and just put it off again.

What’s that shiny thing over there?

Oh yeah, and go buy my book, The Break-Up Diet: A Memoir. Give a copy to your mother. Your neighbor—the one who gave you a fruitcake brick for Christmas last year. Give one to your co-worker—the slutty one who’s sleeping with the boss and the FedEx guy—she’ll be able to identify with my story. Persuade your entire book group to read it and if you’re within 100 miles of The OC, I’ll visit for a Q&A. If you are out in BFE, I’ll do a telechat.

And if you don’t do any of the above, at least come back to the blog now and then, so I’m not just sitting here type/talking to myself.

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3 Comments »

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  1. I am looking forward to your posts. I like the picture, it made me laugh! It’s about time you got on here and wrote something…Your fans await.

    Vicki Wagner

  2. From a fellow writer and loyal reader

    Thank god for the update, a fabulous and entertaining excuse for me to avoid an annoying re-write. Anyway, I must admit that you have set some lofty goals for yourself…good luck! I’m not so motivated at the moment. But I am awake at 2am thinking about what it is that I should be doing….Procrastination is an art that I have mastered.

    Here are some fun quotes on friendship that also apply to love and relationships:

    A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down [or they think you’re going down]
    Arnold H. Glasow

    True friends stab you in the front.
    Oscar Wilde

    An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind.
    Buddha

    It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.
    Ralph Waldo Emerson

  3. Oscar and Buddha should get together and have tea. They are both wise men.

    Procrastination and re-writes go together like peanut butter and jelly. I can definitely relate.

    Best wishes with that. There are some possibly helpful posts at my writing blog–particularly in The Muse category. http://www.annettefix.com


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